There are only a few things I want from this world. Someone to love, financial security, a comfortable home, but most of all, my very own canvas print of Paul Ross. Let’s face it, it doesn’t matter where you hang it, it will bring joy and light wherever it is. I just wish I wasn’t so busy paying rent and saving for my future that I’d just let go and indulge myself for once. Everyone deserves a treat now and then. So if anyone is stuck on what to get me for my birthday (It’s September) may I lay this subtle suggestion at your door.
A glance at just a few of the reviews on Amazon should be enough to convince any Ross-doubter:
“A snip at just under two and a half grand, you’ll be the envy of all your friend (yes, that’s right, ALL of him – from the top of his empty head to the tips of his tiny toes). Quick, you buy now, as I have only 30,000 of these left and they’re smelling fast! This particular one is refurbished, as the back was falling off and I accidentally spilt Kestrel Super all over the front. But it’s fine now. £2,499.99”
“If you only buy one 20 inch canvas print of Paul Ross this year, this is the one to get.”
“I purchased this wonderous print almost 2 years ago & it means more to me than you can ever imagine. In fact I recently had a horrific house fire & only had time to save 2 things – I chose this & one of the twins!”
Although one reviewer offered a word of warning:
“Imagine my utter disappointment that upon hanging it, his shirt clashed with my curtains, and upon closer inspection- his eyes clashed with my soul. It now hangs facing the wall.”
Oh well Paul, you win some you lose some!
My god, it’s a stressful world you know…. I saw a bee drop dead from a heart attack the other day.
This bee went slowly chugging past me, right, really slowly, you know, and I was looking at it, and to my eye the bee looked as though it were distressed. It was just how I felt, but you know he was just looking worried. As he flew past we just sort of caught eyes and I could tell something was up. I looked at him, and he looked at me, and it was just like ‘hello, something’s up here’.
Anyway right, I carry on and turn around and just have this real foreboding feeling inside. I didn’t like it. Not one bit. Then as I turned back around, this bee just dropped straight out the air onto the pavement. He’s just lying there on his back. On the pavement. I mean what do you do? He’s lying there and not moving and I mean that’s just life isn’t it. I doubt an ambulance is going to come out and I’m not going to give him the kiss of life am I, it’s a bee for Christ sake.
But it just goes to show what a stressful world it is when the bees have had enough. You know all he probably wanted to do was make his honey. This bee could have had shadowing on its lung just from choosing to live in London, you know, but the bee wouldn’t have been aware of it. Do you know how hard it is to find a good GP in London? One that will just turn to you and give it to you straight, without any messing. Meanwhile there’s people just walking around whistling saying what a nice day it is. No it’s not, there’s just been a death you insensitive bastard.
But it got me thinking, you know. This bee probably didn’t even see it coming, and that’s just the way life goes. He’d probably just been going about his day, whistling his little tune. I mean I don’t know if pollen is high in cholesterol or something. Maybe he hadn’t been keeping check on his diet. Christ with the stress of today he could have had blood pressure through the roof. The point is you’ve just got to look after yourself in this day and age. If you don’t get on top of your health, it will get on top of you.
But I’ll never forget the look that bee gave me.